To be perfect, or not to be perfect. That is the question.
Well, my answer to this question is that I’d rather, much rather, not be perfect. Otherwise my life would be over by now and I’m not ready to go yet. God no, I’ve just started.
I used to think though, it was very important to be just that: perfect. And every second I proved myself not to be, was a burden on me. So, you can imagine how heavy it felt, that load on my shoulders. I was literally dragging myself through life. More or less with a smile on my face, because the irony of it all was: I didn’t have a clue!
Coming from a well-off background of hardworking, smart, goodlooking, creative, sportive and overall succesful people, I made sure I’d fit in. Thís didn’t cost me a whole lot of effort. Because I’m smart. Goodlooking-enough. Creative-enough. Sportive-enough. Succesful-enough.
But there it is, you see, the quintessence of my story: goodlooking-, creative-, sportive-enough wasn’t góód-enough for me. Because the environment I grew up in, was competitive and one of comparison, as is society as such, and somewhere along the line I began to believe that being good-enough meant being Number One. But in all of those fine characteristics of my surroundings, I never was number one.
Since I always saw the good-better-best in people around me, but had my eyes wide shut towards myself, I never came in first. Never best, never perfect. Basically a failure. Thus extra load on the shoulders, that started dropping along with my motivation.
A very saddening and tiring mechanism. So at one point my smile became a grin, a little while later that grin started to look gloomy. And then, out of the blue, someone I accidently met, stopped me in my track and said: “Whát is wrong with you? Whát, for f***s sake, are you drágging yourself around for through life?!”
This sounds horrible, rather insulting actually, doesn’t it? To just come out and say something like that, unasked for? But guess what. It was like a bolt of lightning that hit home.
I think this “insult” was one of the most profound presents I’ve ever received. It set in motion a life-changing process, in which I started to open my eyes to myself. And by doing that, to all those others around me. In a totally different way then before: unconditionally and non-judging instead of by comparison and competition.
This path I’m walking is slippery, full of ditches and false notes and sometimes dark and lonely. And it scares me. Until I remember that the path is the who/what/why I am. And that’s the moment that happiness fills me and I feel lucky that I have thís path to walk. Because it taught and teaches me the most valuable lessons in my life:
- To love myself means to be completely honest to myself and unconditionally accept my own answers. Even the ones I will not like.
- Kindness comes in all sorts of packages. Not only with a smile or a ribbon around it.
- To understand someone means to really see that person. By looking beyond what meets the eye.
- To listen not only with the ears but with all my senses.
- Good-enough is exactly what it says it is: Good. Enough. No need for better or best.
- And I want to be as near to myself as possible because that is where I belong.
The only way to really get there is to keep on walking. One step after another I put my feet down along my wonderfully imperfect path, that will bring me home. And gives me my drive and motivation to help others to do exactly the same; their way.
Dit stuk plaatste ik afgelopen week op Linkedin ter aanvulling op mijn professionele profiel, omdat ik ervan overtuigd ben dat het zo werkt: mensen meenemen in wie/wat/waarom je bent. Doodeng, want mijn weg in essentie. En daarom ook voor Van Dichtbij.
Sterk hoor!!!
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Tnxx Myriam. Belangrijke stap om dit op papier te zetten
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Ontzettend krachtig, maar waarom in het engels? Niet dat ik het erg vind, omdat je nu ook vertelt dat het voor je linked in profiel is. 😉
X
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yes; international profile ..haha
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Mooi…raak ook…ven bovenal moedig….het roer om bewust kiezen voor grote veranderingen….
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ja. Dank je wel, lieve comment.
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Wauw… dit is inderdaad heel sterk en ook super dat je het plaatst op LinkedIn. Zal voor velen een heel mooie inspiratiebron zijn. Voor mij wel in ieder geval 🙂
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Leuk Sabine, om te lezen, Tnxx!!
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Hehe, me like : “Because I’m smart. Goodlooking-enough. Creative-enough. Sportive-enough. Succesful-enough.” Ik twijfel er sinds ik hier kom lezen geen moment aan. Dat je knap (goodlooking) bent (zie foto). Dat je creatief, sportief en geslaagd in het professionele/financiële leven bent (zei deze blog).
Maar kijk, wat me dsu echt blij maakt is dat je vooral beseft dat je jezelf wil zijn, los van de inschaling die anderen maken. Me like !
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Spot on jouw comment. Dank :)))
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Wees niet bang..! Het is niet eng, niets te verliezen behalve ego, en dat is goed. Wat je niet kunt verliezen is de essentie van het zijn, namelijk…..Leven….!!
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Mooi… krachtig… inspirerend!
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Veel dank voor je comment. Fijn!
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ik loop al een tijdje hierover na te denken, en dus kom ik ‘slow thinking’ na 2 weken nog met een reactie. Het hele platonische, ‘perfecte’ Idee: killing. De perfecte espresso? Die is na 15 minuten niet meer perfect want koud. Perfectie is een idee fixe, een onmogelijke strijd tegen de toenemende entropie. Goed = genoeg. En wat is dan ‘goed’? Dafne Schippers is goed. Heel erg goed. Maar er kan maar 1 Dafne Schippers zijn en er zijn nog 7 miljard andere zielen. Toch had deze vrouw van ‘maar’23 een heel wijs inzicht in de totstandkoming van haar prestatie: nl ontspannen. Want als haar hoofd ontspannen was, werd haar lijf ontspannen en deed het precies wat het moest doen. Noem het Zen. Of the Force, in Starwars termen. – je had zelf trouwens al ontdekt dat je meer wilt ‘stromen’, en dat zou best wel eens een heel goede instelling kunnen zijn.
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Joost, I like slow thinking 🙂 Dank voor je waardevolle comment!!
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